Tueday morning Microblog of mildly self pitying diatribe.

MarkNicholson says "I feel like I'm on the cusp of something important but then I've been feeling that way since 1992." about 14 hours ago
 
far-be-it for me to copy another's microblogging, but; i too constantly feel like i'm on the cusp of something... 9 minutes ago
 
...A mildly expectant adrenilin rush just under my rib cage.
However, i also often feel like i am being tumbled underwater in the rolling surf... 8 minutes ago
 
...but mostly i feel like a solitary yatchsman trapped in the windless doldrums without food or water, reliant on the current to drift me... 5 minutes ago
 
To go the full hog and completely mix my metaphors; i feel like i missed my boat.
 
Somewhere, in another timeline, there's a me that did really well. 2 minutes ago
 

that is all.

2 minutes ago

 
 
 

big red elastic band ball, keyboard and paper skull. these items are not necessarily related.

14.10hrs friday.
it looks quite warm outside. i'm sitting underneath the AirCon which takes the muggy, humid edge of the office air. 
 

• the big red rubber band ball has consumed a much smaller red elastic band ball. it is now just a fraction bigger than it was the other day

 

• the keyboard has, so far today, only been used for flickr comments, twitter updates and blogging.

 

• the paper skull is a thing i did download, cut out and fold as per some instructions, yesterday, when i also had nothing to do.

 
i guess i shouldn't be so surprised that this particular assignment is (apparently again) coming to an end.
 
i await new instructions and/or new mission profile.
 
standing-by.
 
 
 
 

the bigger picture

...

moving right along with some blogged micro-blogging

paint_monkey's log: just had an interesting txt from JR Kyle 'Gonzo' Clarke. apparently he has a surprise for/to show me this evening. ooh now, thats exciting. about 20 hours ago
 
paint_monkey's log: m'on A59 a few klicks east of gargrave. its a gonzo-monkey safari. heading toward The Forest of Bowland... standby for updates. about 18 hours ago
 
paint_monkey's log: i love the A59. it snakes through some stunning and sometimes epic vistas. and sheep, loads of sheep. about 17 hours ago 
 
paint_monkey's log: refuelling. checking charts. i make a mental note that a woman's shoes don't match her outfit. about 17 hours ago
 
paint_monkey's log: we've landed just over the border, behind enemy lines. it's a place called High Ben Tham in a strange place known as LanCasSHire. Francis Dunnery
is the man we're off to see. about 17 hours ago
 
[ed] gonzo was wide eyed and star struck at seeing this guy - he is a big fan, has all his albums etc etc. I had never heard of Francis Dunnery, but had vaguely heard of the band he used to front in the eighties;
"It Bites".
 
Francis Dunnery doesn't do the usual gig, no pubs, bars, clubs or stadiums for him, oh no. he performs in people's houses (he's been all around the world performing tis way for the last four years), bans the audience from drinking alcohol (he's a long term recovering type) and keeps it all intimate and friendly, (there were no more than 25 people watching him). It was an interesting experience for me, Francis spent as long explaining his motivations and the circumstances behind the songs he sings as he did singing. He is a thoughtful, occasionally witty and ponderous man, who reflects/projects his experiences in life directly back at the audience, commenting on relationships, failure, hope and faith with an abrupt frankness that is admirable. even if i did think he was talking shite, it was refreshing to be in an intimate one way dialogue with someone so painfully self aware.
 
To be honest, his music wasn't my cup of tea, a wee bit non-descript-acoustic-folk- that may just have been the album he was singing (Tall Blonde Helicopter)and i thought his voice was weak (but very distinctive) without any mic or a PA system to add some wellie...but it wasn't an unpleasant thing at all, i had a thoroughly enjoyable & brilliant time, but i did(using my film rating system) notice i had a numb bum about half way through the gig and at no point did the songs he sang make any hairs stand up on the back of my neck - ooh... except for his cover of Cat Stevens' Father & Son which he sang with delicacy and respect at the end - but i do have a notoriously naff taste in music and i was truly glazed over with free beer and ,ahem, special cigerettes... so that is no relection on him, his fans clearly think he is a genius. i'd probably go to see him again, if just for the unusual locations for the gigs...
 
i did consider taking some photos of the gig, but he himself made a philosophical point of how that particular gig would never be repeated, it wasn't filmed, photographed or recorded. The interpretations and versions of the songs he was singing were unique to that moment (Gonzo nodded), they were just for us and we appreciated them more for that i think.
I got the feeling that that is how Francis Dunnery likes it, and i'm not about to mess with another man's mojo. :)
 
paint_monkey's log: Francis Dunnery is the man we came to see. really special gig. might blog it, loads to ponder. now on drag home, warp 6, ETA Chmbrs 90mins about 13 hours ago
 
paint_monkey's log: was good to see JR Gonzo, sbeen ages. he's reliably remained the same all these years, only now he's married and looks like Salmon Rushdie. about 11 hours ago
 
paint_monkey's log: i slept soundly after the safari. i've got a headache behind my right eye though. about 3 hours ago
 
 
that is all. moving right along...
 
 
 
 
 

Durge Purge v2.3

...with little else to do at work today, i have activated Stealth Blogging Mode - my web based hotmail is open in a window, which in turn is 'cloaked' within a complicated Excell document. Now the directors can walk in and out of their offices behind behind all they like. As long as they see me typing and i'm not ignoring my work email and the phone, it should all be okay.
 
i woke up at 5:30 this morning, wide awake, but with an odd dizziness, the kind of dizzy one would feel when having drunk too much, so not an unusual feeling, odd however as i hadn't been drinkng. Didn't even smoke that much yesterday. Its almost certainly nothing, probably something to do with the toothache i've had for the last few weeks, just a thing to start this week off.
 
I'm about to cautiously skate over the events for last week for now, i'm not about to use my little piece of internet to intentionally explain or perpetuate the vicious circles of someone who will take themselves hostage in the name of fundamental emotionalism and needless drama. They have done that themselves with an open frankness on their own blog.
 
This is, however, my blog and for my part, i am in the middle of wildly contradictory feelings and it is a funny sensation. I didn't know what to think or feel and spent a few days pro-actively shutting down the parts of my head that do the feeling and thinking, battoning down hatches and putting up shields.  But now... but now i feel like i have been made a fool of... that i was being played from the start... set up to be the catalyst for a dramatic event. I have spent the last few days thinking it was my fault (as implied at the time), that maybe i saw it coming and did nothing to prevent it...that this is my fate, blah blah blah... 
no, i'm sure her feelings were sincere and genuine as where mine but experience tells me, i have to say, if it wasn't me in the role it would've been someone else and the events of the last month and specifically last week would have unfolded just as they did.
 
Right now, my temptation is to dive back into the mess, fix that which is broken and make right what was wrong. Laughable, innit? eh? The bugger is i thought i had found someone that read from the same book as i do, that i was ready and wanted to trust someone again. that i'd found a soul mate. i guess not.
 
I am genuinely glad and relieved that she is okay, on the mend and that she is lucky enough to have friends who will care for her. My feelings were real and sincere, but i said from the start i wouldn't pander to that self destructive behaviour, i have seen first hand what (actual) suicide does to those it leaves behind and i have too much at stake myself and enough to deal with in my own headspace to potentially be one of those 'left behind'...Life is a once in an eternity opportunity to exist and it is over soon enough. So that's that.
 
Back to square one i guess.

edgelands again

edgelands again_lo
Originally uploaded by paintMonkey

and again i come back to;
"the path remains the same, it is the scenery that changes as we walk along it.".
My brief, as it turned out to be, incursion into the InnrLands is over. I wont be going back there for a while, it's rubbish.

Twice a day. Again.

Dear Diary,

The stopped clock on my bedroom wall says its 2.23 now.

The clock is, apparently, correct twice a day.

However, I have never looked at it at 2.23 for it to be correct, so I cannot be sure.

I'm sure the stopped time has changed though.
It's later than it used to be.

But still, earlier than it will be.

Cc. Depublishing

my ever growing Big Red Ball of Discarded Postal Elastic Bands

as with all good hobbies, this one just keeps giving and giving. With a radius of 41.40 mm my ball is getting exciting. that is all.
 
 
half a pound of tuppenny rice
half a pound of treacle...
 
 
 
your milage may vary.

a silly fool watches the grey descend

a silly fool watches the grey descend
Originally uploaded by paintMonkey

or "someone should tell.."

a microblogged moment, flickr'd and now blogged. its all in the detail.

move along, move along, there is nothing to see here.

we stood in the queue for the runaway train, the girls were excited_lo

we stood in the queue for the runaway train, the girls were excited_lo
Originally uploaded by paintMonkey

snapshots of weekend activity. this was from the Party In The Park on Sunday. Moo and i took her friend Harley, met up with team DragonDrop and Camp Moonie and friends. lovely day, really lovely.

[lights bifta and exhales slowly and thoughtfully] ...so, a post 'potential match' analysis? No. Lets go with a Level 3 diagnostic on internal operational systems. Standby. Ready the scatter cushion approach.

Narrative;

Having run aground on a sandbank and had our bubble burst by an over-reaction, I saw a forecast of little but troubled skies ahead, so I had a change of heart and I adjusted course and heading accordingly.
Clear.

Soundtrack;

10 ACCESS SOUNDTRACK METAPHOR
20 LOAD BORROWED LYRIC PLAYBACK
30 RUN

Me and my monkey
Drove in search of the sun
Me and my monkey
We don't wanna kill no Mexican
But we got ten itchy fingers
One thing to declare
When the monkey is high
You do not stare
You do not stare
You do not stare

(me & my monkey c/o mr r williams- it's a sorta Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas storysong)

Plot Device;

For my next trick I am (apparently) going to get into cricket. PianoMan says i'm in good hands.

That is all.
Your milage may vary, of course.

 

My Flickr Explored Pics

My Explored Pics
Originally uploaded by paintMonkey

1. innrLands Bluescape_lo, 2. rev_dino-monkey safari - canal trek 1b_lo, 3. montpellier breakfast_lo, 4. InnrLands daydream_lo, 5. tankGirl's shoulders turned the same pink as the pink champagne we drank., 6. selected view from epac_island video in video, 7. scatter cushion approach_or_ the scene repeating itself_02_lo, 8. wave of life at 4am,

9. a monday in the life_home again_lo, 10. a monday in the life_half hour for lunch 1_lo, 11. variable views from never changing scenery_lo, 12. annoyed by my own compulsive and self destructive nature, 13. Railway station, 14. night lights, 15. my favourite flower, 16. pie, two pots of tea and a conversation about childish childhood friends,

17. zorki 4K and flash, 18. wt 0415 hrs, 19. 16 and 14 finkle st, 20. finkle st, 21. the synchronicity behind deciding to sit outside, some orange juice flavoured shortbread and the changing of plans..., 22. tired from learning to ride her bike, we stopped to eat a mars bar, check the tamogatchi and take a rest., 23. Bill, 24. mini miniture,

25. i regretted not going out in a jumper and i arranged to meet mum in cafe rouge, 26. my coffee addiction and her tamagotchi care trance syndrome, 27. cess only, 28. test sketch, 29. kyle played with his new blackberry whilst we drank the famous black stuff in a blues bar, 30. iron man, 31. VENICE KINDA, 32. a surprise text, an old hunched lady and a huge mug of earl grey, hot.,

33. i kept telling Geoff the Stormtrooper, but he wouldn't listen., 34. land[ing]scape, 35. as far east as i can be bothered to go today, 36. momentarily trapped and relocated against my will, 37. my nana and me, 38. ccess only, 39. I Sometimes Pretend to be The Captain of a Starship, 40. return too,

41. greenwoodlandscape, 42. 18b livingroom, 43. bend in road

the record stood at 6 for the duration...

the record stood at 6 for the duration_lo
Originally uploaded by paintMonkey

bog blog.

...as is my thing, i took some photos of the porta-loo at Thornborough Festival this weekend. We had a game in play that Jamie introduced. The record stood at 6, that is all you need to know.
As good as it was to get away for a couple of days, the weekend was, well, damp in various ways, not quite the relaxing get-a-way i was hoping for, returned home without the residual glow of warm fluffy content that i came back with last year. It was good, as always to spend time with my nearest and dearest, but I felt out of sync, damp, scabby and dirty, and i'm not just talking about the rain that blighted Saturday and Sunday, i'm talking about getting uneccessarily irritated by arsey pettiness... pah. its not important, its just one of my turns i guess. i actually enjoyed it, just not as much as last year. i think i missed my Moo.
Next year will be brilliant.


mind the gap.
that is all.