A dream I think I dreamt and/or Merrily merrily merrily.

A blur, a haze and a jumble of noise. But a face, a name came through and something about force feeding a someone anti-freeze... I think I didn't care. For a while after I awoke I was convinced it was real, that it was all going to happen. Turned out to be nothing though. A drunken sleep of confusion and restlessness soon washed away with a cuppa tea.

Its thursday morning again. It seems to be a regular thing now to be hung over on a thursday morning. Mid-week celebrations...The train was 6 minutes late. No one complained. No one ever does.

My life is an open book, dropped to the floor. Pages bustled by the breeze of hurrying passers by.
Chapters. Just chapters and paragraphs of what has happened. What is happening. Illustrated pages populated by various characters and faces, various someones I know now and some I used to know.
Bumped into one i've known for 20 years last night, had completely forgotten that we were engaged once... was nice...apparently niether of us had changed.
Drunk and a bit stoned, it got me thinking....
I've been told that a few times recently. At 36 years old I haven't changed. Ha! Certainly not for a lack of trying. God only knows i've had enough life changing experiences and/or pulled back and revealed enough layers of my glass onion over the years in attempts to reinvent myself. To rescue myself from ...I dunno anymore. But, I guess there's something reassuring about that lack of change, the consistency of being me. Through all my searching, expressing and documenting, my goals have never been big houses and £100k a year. How shallow and mercenary that would be? If I was to earn that kind of money as a consequence of doing what I love doing and have always done habitually, fine, good and dandy. But to make it the aim, the ambition, la raison d'etre at the cost of being something i'm not? No. Especially now, when I am finally comfortable with my own space, my own company, with who and what I am.....Nah. I wouldn't recognise myself in the mirror, and niether would my friends.

If someone wanted to me give a hundred thousand pounds, I wouldn't object though. I'm not an idealistically principled idiot....
;)

Life is but a dream. A thin sliver of light between two eternities of darkness. And this paintMonkey has many more blank pages to fill yet.

Now, where did I put that thingymajig ?