So, the Blm bng song;
A few years ago I realised, to my embarrassment, that I was PeeShy. It's an affliction and curse of man. The inability to pee, no matter how full the bladder, when stood at a public urinal. Most uncomfortable when, having queued for twenty minutes in some student dive of a pub to squeeze into the space between two lagered up lads, to find a blockage in the relevant area...spending tense minutes looking anywhere except at either lad either side or one's own man bits.
My mad father once told me, when I was about ten, that the answer to the (at the time unidentified problem) was to whistle. A very old school attitude from back in the days when men whistled and wore hats. Needless to say it never worked for me. The obvious answer is, of course, to only use the cubicle, something I have hinted at before in this blog and my default when confronted with the 'need a wee' situation. But that is not always an option.
I was once a student. As a student our default drinking hole was The Blessington Carriage in Derby. It was on one of these student binges in said pub that I chanced upon the answer. Well, an answer. Words that begin with 'B'. As I told myself where I was and what I was doing; "I'm in The Blessington Carriage and drinking beer", the force did flow at the sound of the 'B'. Brilliant, I thought. Since then it has become my ritual, even if perhaps it is not entirely necessary, when out at a pub, at a friend's (like today) or even at home on my own. It's a fun bit of alliteration to play with. My particular favOUrite is " Brian Blessed buys beer from birmingham to bring to bouncers at a bar on Buellah St" ( I need a wee just typing it), there are other variations, but i'll leave those to your imagination.
Anyway. The point is, that after what must be ten or twelve years of this little internal game of mine, I realised last night that when too drunk to bother with stringing 'B' words together coherently, I can just mumbleSing the Blm Bng song instead. It achieves the same result. The words are just that; ' blm dee bng dee boo baa dii bumm".
That is all for now. Mind the gap between urinals, aim for the drain and/or blue smelly things. Good luck.
May the force be with you.
1 comment:
that is well coincimental. I am sat on that actual toilet now.i thought- I know. . . Ill check some internets whilst i am here ( i do love to poo and i love the fact you have created a suitable arena for me to voice said love) and low and behold a picture of thing i am sat on.
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